FanPost

Why Beavers are better than Ducks (and vice-versa) - 2011

Once again, it's Civil War time, and people across our great state will be debating the Beavers and Ducks.  Here is some, uh, completely objective data so you can compare and contrast!

Top ten reasons the Beavers are better than the Ducks:

Beavers Ducks
Lunch Pail U
Post Bail U
Mike Riley's coaching seat getting hotter by the month
Chip Kelly's press conference seat getting closer to telescoping by the month
OSU degrees belong to countless gainfully employed alumni
UO degrees belong between the Charmin and the Angel Soft
Team haunted by off-season injuries
Team haunted by NCAA inquiries
Most famous graduate known for making major advances in physics
Most famous graduate known for making overpriced shoes
Alumni desperate for wins
Alumni desperate for jobs
Baseball team:  Back-to-back national champions
Football team:  Back-to-back BCS losers
Corvallis:  Ranked among the best places to live
Eugene:  Smells rank
Pac-12 fans thank Beavers for getting that Mike Stoops clown fired
Pac-12 fans "thank" Ducks for getting clowned yet again on national stage
Team wins by using willpower
Team wins by using Will Lyles

Top ten reasons the Ducks are better than the Beavers:

Ducks Beavers
Darron Thomas:  60% pass completion rate to young receivers
Sean Mannion:  60% pass completion rate to opposing safeties
Opponents expect to lose the game in a blowout
Opponents expect to lose their coach in a blowout
LaMichael James was ready to pop his dislocated elbow back in at the Cal game
Beaver fans were ready to gauge their disillusioned eyes out at every game
Opposing players suspected of faking injuries during drives
Opposing coaches suspected of faking compliments during interviews
Struggling to get that big BCS win Struggling to get that big FCS win
WTD! WTF?!
Raunchy movie, Animal House, filmed in Eugene
Raunchy moves with animals housed in Corvallis
Team frequently covers the spread
Fans frequently cover their faces
After wins, Chip Kelly shouts at obnoxious students to SHUT UP!
After wins, uh... um... never mind.
Fans dream of scoring with the cheerleaders
Fans dream of scoring

 


*** BONUS DUCK JOKES ***

Q:  What's the difference between a Duck undergrad and a hobo?

A:  About five years.

Q:  Why did Chip Kelly cross the road?

A:  To eat the chicken.

Q:  How did the chicken survive?

A:  It hid behind a donut.

Q:  Why did the University of Oregon buy new books for its library?

A:  The students finished coloring in the old ones.

Q:  What's the difference between Duck football uniforms and mullets?

A:  Some people think mullets look good.

Q:  How do you find 100 Ducks with graduate degrees?

A:  Place an ad for a job opening at McDonald's.

 

*** EXTRA BONUS FUSKY JOKES  :-D ***

Q:  What's the difference between Nick Holt and a hooker?

A:  The hooker earns her money.

Q:  Why are Trojan fans better than fusky fans?

A:  Trojan fans at least have a reason to be arrogant.

Q: Why do fuskies make horrible nuns?

A:  They let anyone with a ball score.

Q:  Why did Nick Montana decide to play at UW?

A:  He was academically ineligible for Seattle Central Community College.

 

GO BEAVS!

(last year's CW comparison here)

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Building the Dam staff. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon State fans.

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