Once again, it's Civil War time, and people across our great state will be debating the Beavers and Ducks. Here is some, uh, completely objective data so you can compare and contrast!
Top ten reasons the Beavers are better than the Ducks:
| Beavers | Ducks |
| Lunch Pail U |
Post Bail U |
| Mike Riley's coaching seat getting hotter by the month |
Chip Kelly's press conference seat getting closer to telescoping by the month |
| OSU degrees belong to countless gainfully employed alumni |
UO degrees belong between the Charmin and the Angel Soft |
| Team haunted by off-season injuries |
Team haunted by NCAA inquiries |
| Most famous graduate known for making major advances in physics |
Most famous graduate known for making overpriced shoes |
| Alumni desperate for wins |
Alumni desperate for jobs |
| Baseball team: Back-to-back national champions |
Football team: Back-to-back BCS losers |
| Corvallis: Ranked among the best places to live |
Eugene: Smells rank |
| Pac-12 fans thank Beavers for getting that Mike Stoops clown fired |
Pac-12 fans "thank" Ducks for getting clowned yet again on national stage |
| Team wins by using willpower |
Team wins by using Will Lyles |
Top ten reasons the Ducks are better than the Beavers:
| Ducks | Beavers |
| Darron Thomas: 60% pass completion rate to young receivers |
Sean Mannion: 60% pass completion rate to opposing safeties |
| Opponents expect to lose the game in a blowout |
Opponents expect to lose their coach in a blowout |
| LaMichael James was ready to pop his dislocated elbow back in at the Cal game |
Beaver fans were ready to gauge their disillusioned eyes out at every game |
| Opposing players suspected of faking injuries during drives |
Opposing coaches suspected of faking compliments during interviews |
| Struggling to get that big BCS win | Struggling to get that big FCS win |
| WTD! | WTF?! |
| Raunchy movie, Animal House, filmed in Eugene |
Raunchy moves with animals housed in Corvallis |
| Team frequently covers the spread |
Fans frequently cover their faces |
| After wins, Chip Kelly shouts at obnoxious students to SHUT UP! |
After wins, uh... um... never mind. |
| Fans dream of scoring with the cheerleaders |
Fans dream of scoring |
*** BONUS DUCK JOKES ***
Q: What's the difference between a Duck undergrad and a hobo?
A: About five years.
Q: Why did Chip Kelly cross the road?
A: To eat the chicken.
Q: How did the chicken survive?
A: It hid behind a donut.
Q: Why did the University of Oregon buy new books for its library?
A: The students finished coloring in the old ones.
Q: What's the difference between Duck football uniforms and mullets?
A: Some people think mullets look good.
Q: How do you find 100 Ducks with graduate degrees?
A: Place an ad for a job opening at McDonald's.
*** EXTRA BONUS FUSKY JOKES :-D ***
Q: What's the difference between Nick Holt and a hooker?
A: The hooker earns her money.
Q: Why are Trojan fans better than fusky fans?
A: Trojan fans at least have a reason to be arrogant.
Q: Why do fuskies make horrible nuns?
A: They let anyone with a ball score.
Q: Why did Nick Montana decide to play at UW?
A: He was academically ineligible for Seattle Central Community College.
GO BEAVS!
(last year's CW comparison here)
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