Why Beavers are better than Ducks (and vice-versa) - 2011
by scotty256 on Nov 19, 2011 10:09 PM PST
Email
PrintOnce again, it's Civil War time, and people across our great state will be debating the Beavers and Ducks. Here is some, uh, completely objective data so you can compare and contrast!
Top ten reasons the Beavers are better than the Ducks:
| Beavers | Ducks |
| Lunch Pail U |
Post Bail U |
| Mike Riley's coaching seat getting hotter by the month |
Chip Kelly's press conference seat getting closer to telescoping by the month |
| OSU degrees belong to countless gainfully employed alumni |
UO degrees belong between the Charmin and the Angel Soft |
| Team haunted by off-season injuries |
Team haunted by NCAA inquiries |
| Most famous graduate known for making major advances in physics |
Most famous graduate known for making overpriced shoes |
| Alumni desperate for wins |
Alumni desperate for jobs |
| Baseball team: Back-to-back national champions |
Football team: Back-to-back BCS losers |
| Corvallis: Ranked among the best places to live |
Eugene: Smells rank |
| Pac-12 fans thank Beavers for getting that Mike Stoops clown fired |
Pac-12 fans "thank" Ducks for getting clowned yet again on national stage |
| Team wins by using willpower |
Team wins by using Will Lyles |
Top ten reasons the Ducks are better than the Beavers:
| Ducks | Beavers |
| Darron Thomas: 60% pass completion rate to young receivers |
Sean Mannion: 60% pass completion rate to opposing safeties |
| Opponents expect to lose the game in a blowout |
Opponents expect to lose their coach in a blowout |
| LaMichael James was ready to pop his dislocated elbow back in at the Cal game |
Beaver fans were ready to gauge their disillusioned eyes out at every game |
| Opposing players suspected of faking injuries during drives |
Opposing coaches suspected of faking compliments during interviews |
| Struggling to get that big BCS win | Struggling to get that big FCS win |
| WTD! | WTF?! |
| Raunchy movie, Animal House, filmed in Eugene |
Raunchy moves with animals housed in Corvallis |
| Team frequently covers the spread |
Fans frequently cover their faces |
| After wins, Chip Kelly shouts at obnoxious students to SHUT UP! |
After wins, uh... um... never mind. |
| Fans dream of scoring with the cheerleaders |
Fans dream of scoring |
*** BONUS DUCK JOKES ***
Q: What's the difference between a Duck undergrad and a hobo?
A: About five years.
Q: Why did Chip Kelly cross the road?
A: To eat the chicken.
Q: How did the chicken survive?
A: It hid behind a donut.
Q: Why did the University of Oregon buy new books for its library?
A: The students finished coloring in the old ones.
Q: What's the difference between Duck football uniforms and mullets?
A: Some people think mullets look good.
Q: How do you find 100 Ducks with graduate degrees?
A: Place an ad for a job opening at McDonald's.
*** EXTRA BONUS FUSKY JOKES :-D ***
Q: What's the difference between Nick Holt and a hooker?
A: The hooker earns her money.
Q: Why are Trojan fans better than fusky fans?
A: Trojan fans at least have a reason to be arrogant.
Q: Why do fuskies make horrible nuns?
A: They let anyone with a ball score.
Q: Why did Nick Montana decide to play at UW?
A: He was academically ineligible for Seattle Central Community College.
GO BEAVS!
(last year's CW comparison here)
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Building the Dam staff. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon State fans.
15 comments
|
4 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
C'mon, Scotty! You're not even trying any more.
Nothing about 118MPH? Passing out drunk in a stranger’s apartment? It’s gold, Jerry, GOLD!!!
Ducks GOOOOD. Fuskies BAAAAAD.
by BigGreenWreckingMachine on Nov 19, 2011 10:36 PM PST reply actions
Mailing it in. Oh, Scotty, I never would have thought.
Ducks GOOOOD. Fuskies BAAAAAD.
by BigGreenWreckingMachine on Nov 19, 2011 11:23 PM PST up reply actions
Tough crowd.
This is what happens when I raise the bar so high with all my witty banter ;)
Not gonna lie
had myself a good laugh at both teams while reading this. Well done.
15-yard penalty for my avatar. /Pereira'd
well done sir, rec for you! Great read.
--Dominic, Addicted to Quack
Autzen Stadium is where great teams go to die." - J. Brady McCullough, The Michigan Daily.
Man
You were on fire in the second one.
“Struggling to get that big FCS win” lol
Follow me on Twitter! https://twitter.com/#!/ConnorPelton128
I had about 25 Ducks > Beavers one ready to go
understandably this year :-x
Eh, I was going to make a joke about Malanado
But I’m afraid he’d miss it
Follow me on Twitter! https://twitter.com/#!/ConnorPelton128
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recent FanPosts
Beavers Football Schedule
| Sacramento St. | Sat 09/03 | L 28 - 29 |
@
Wisconsin
|
Sat 09/10 | L 0 - 35 |
|
UCLA
|
Sat 09/24 | L 19 - 27 |
|
@
Arizona St.
|
Sat 10/01 | L 20 - 35 |
|
Arizona
|
Sat 10/08 | W 37 - 27 |
|
BYU
|
Sat 10/15 | L 28 - 38 |
|
@
Washington St.
|
Sat 10/22 | W 44 - 21 |
|
@
Utah
|
Sat 10/29 | L 8 - 27 |
|
Stanford
|
Sat 11/05 | L 13 - 38 |
|
@
California
|
Sat 11/12 | L 6 - 23 |
|
Washington
|
Sat 11/19 | W 38 - 21 |
|
@
Oregon
|
Sat 11/26 | L 21 - 49 |
