Through my many connections within the Oregon State athletic department, I was granted exclusive access to last night's Oregon State quarterback's meeting in Madison. I now present to you, a transcript of that meeting.
RYAN KATZ: Alright guys, let's go over the gameplan one more...
SEAN MANNION: Who said you got to run the meeting, Mr. Yanked From The Sac State Game?
KATZ: Shut up Sean, I'm the junior and you're the little red-shirt freshman. I run the meetings and you listen.
MANNION: That's funny, cause Coach Riley just told me I'm taking 99% of the snaps tomorrow. I think that qualifies me to run the meeting.
KATZ: Really, Coach said that? How about we call him right now and ask?
MIKE RILEY: Golly guys, nice to see you. How was your flight over?
KATZ: I'm starting tomorrow, right coach?
RILEY: Yes, of course. You're the glue to this team.
MANNION: I'm still getting 99% of the snaps though, right?
RILEY: Oh Gosh, you weren't supposed to tell anyone that!
(Coach Riley rushes out of the room, Mannion and Katz argue about who will get more playing time)
CODY VAZ: Guys, guys, guys, don't forget about me. I might get some snaps, I used to be second on the depth chart!
KATZ: Shut up Cody.
VAZ: Sorry Mr. Katz, so, so, sorry Mr. Katz, it won't happen again Mr. Katz.
KATZ: Now go fetch us some lemonade, and try not to get passed by anyone on your way down. HAHAHAHA!!!
JACK LOMAX: Please stop fighting guys, how are we going to beat Wisconsin if we're all fighting!
KATZ: How the hell did you get here, you weren't even on the team plane.
LOMAX: Do you even know who my dad is? I can fly anywhere I want on his private plane.
KATZ: We're getting off subject. The point is, I'm the starter, I'm getting most of the snaps, I'm the leader of this team, I'm the glue of this team, AND I AM SURE AS HELL LEADING THIS MEETING!
MANNION: lol, U MAD BRO?
KATZ: Shut up with your little freshman humor. I taught you everything you know, and you think you can just come into Camp Randall Stadium and take my snaps?
MANNION: You did teach me everything you knew, but unfortunately that wasn't very much. That's why I spent the summer in France, chilling with Lyle Moevao.
KATZ: You went behind my back? And out of all the people, you chose the Throwin' Samoin?
MANNION: Vous betcha, la seconde stringer.
KATZ: What the hell does that mean?
MANNION: You betcha, second stringer!
KATZ: How dare you insult me in French!
VAZ: I've got lemonade!
KATZ: What took you so long?
VAZ: WELL THESE GUYS CUT ME IN LINE WELL ACTUALLY THEY DIDN'T CUT THEY ASKED IF THEY COULD GO IN FRONT OF ME AND I'M LIKE IT'S ALL GOOD BEING THIRD IN LINE IS GREAT IT REALLY IS
(Katz spits out his lemonade)
KATZ: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
VAZ: Country Time Lemonade, is something wrong Mr. Katz?
KATZ: Country Time? You're seriously telling me this is Country Time Lemonade? Country Time is what the six year olds use for a freakin lemonade stand, it's not what starting QB's drink!
MANNION: Vraiment, le QB'S qui prennent 99% des craquements ne boit aucun Temps de Pays non plus.
VAZ: What's up with him?
KATZ: Don't worry about it, just go get some freakin Minute Maid.
(In the locker room after the Wisconsin game)
VAZ: GUESS WHAT GUYS, I'M STARTING THE UCLA GAME! Now go get me some lemonade.