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Mixing it up with Fourth and Fifty

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In preparation for tonight's opening round game of the most innovative, cutting edge tourney around, we bring in the guys from the Houston blog Fourth and Fifty to mix things up:

1. (Building the Dam) Did you know that your coach once coached against Craig Robinson when Craig was a player, back in the day? Penders sent in a benchwarmer for the sole purpose of picking a fight with Robinson's, and got the Princeston grad ejected for probably the first time of his career. That was a long time ago, but it seems as if Penders' personality hasn't changed much since back then. Should we expect some sly pranks on Wednesday?

(Fourth and Fifty:) Yes, anything is possible. Penders once got a technical foul vs UAB for collapsing and having a heart attack. Anything is possible. You might just think he's playing possum or has just been overwhelmed by the vibrance of his red jacket, Craig Robinson will go over to help him up like a good sport and BOOM! Nut shot.

2. Is there perhaps a walk-on on your roster that specializes in picking fights that we should be aware of?

Yes, our mascot. He generally gets teabagged by other mascots from your state. We're not still bitter. I swear. Shasta, on the other hand (yes, he's named after a second-rate soda) might want to get his hands on Benny Beaver. I would just send out a warning to whoever is going to be dressed up in the beaver suit that night just to be careful. Shasta may want to show why the "cougar paw" (UH's hand sign) so closely resembles the "shocker" to send a message to that damn duck.

3. Sounds like ya'll are ready for a new coach. What's up with that?

We would like to make the NCAA tourney, preferably with athletes recruited from the Houston area not jucos and NY kids. The CBI is nice and all (for a Tournament that you have to pay to get a home game for *ahem*) but UH was who brought the world Phi Slama Jama and vaulted Jimmy V into legendary status. Aren't we allowed to ask for a little more than a manperm ("merm" if you will) on the side of the court?

4. It has been hypothesized that one reason Pac-10 coaches (Mike Montgomery, for example) have been losing to Oregon State this season is for the simple reason that OSU head coach Criag Robinson will phone his brother-in-law in the White House after the game and raise their taxes. However, I have a feeling that that fact won't rattle Tom Penders Wednesday night at Gill Coliseum....

That's because Tom Penders gets his "merm" at the same place MIchelle Obama does. Plus, Texas is about to secede from the United States any day now, according to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes... Taxes pay Chuck Norr... never mind.

5. Aubrey Coleman.... before this week, all we knew about him was from the countless times the Budinger face smashing clip played on SportsCenter. Now, since the Beavers are going to actually be playing against this guy, the numbers reveal that he is actually a very good player. Tell me... how can we stop the guy and not get our faces smashed during the process? I'm worried that if our deadly 1-3-1 stymies AC, he'll just go on a rampage.

 

The only way to stop Coleman is to sacrifice someone's face and hope for an ejection... it worked for Arizona. Speaking of which we never got a proper "thank you" from the rest of the Pac-10 teams for that. I know you've all loathed the Wildcats over the past decade(s). You are welcome.

6. Houston ranks #38 in scoring offense. Oregon State ranks #312. Mismatch! It's mainly because the Beavers like to run a Princeston-type offense that features an array of back-door cuts and screens if executed properly. Has Houston played against an opponent with such a slow tempo so far this year? If so, how did that go?

Look, we generally institute a don't ask, don't tell policy around here. If your team likes the back-door situation, leave that in your own locker room.

7.Interestingly enough, the Beavers rank #62 in field goal percentage, and the Cougars come in at #222 in that category. These are clearly two laughably different offenses... no? I'm afraid that putting these two teams on the court together will result in a toxic reaction.

Acid, meet Base. HA! That's a chemistry joke! Our rivals at Rice would be so proud. It will all boil down to who can dictate the pace. I'm really glad you're looking up all these stats. I feel so informed.

8. Just out of curiosity (and no offense...), but if you gathered all the die-hard Houston Cougar fans in the wold together for a meeting, could you comfortably hold that meeting in a closet, a conference room, a movie theater, or would you need a large grassy field?

Large grassy field. Houston is one of the fattest cities in the US. You don't want to put too many of us in a small space.

9. Be honest.... what was your reaction when you found out the Cougars were matched up with a 13-17 team?

This is the most cutting edge, post-season tourney!

10. Any parting thoughts?

In the end, we're happy as fans to be able to cheer for our team for at least one more game. Then you realize it's the CBI. Then you realize that HDnet has some sort of vested interest in this tournament which has ties to Mark Cuban. We're from Houston so we have a reason to hate Cuban. Not that anyone should side with that whiny, owner of the Mavericks and unwatchable "The Benefactor." So, is it fair to say that our final thoughts are that we hope we win the game and that this will be the last year of the CBI? Not that we don't think that 13-17 teams should be left out of post-season play...

Good Luck, Beavers fans. Beware the face-stompingness of Aubrey Coleman.

Thanks, guys!