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Prose on Pros: Chad Johnson, via Cincy Jungle

In an effort to keep you up to date on former Beaver Greats making a living in professional sports, we bring you this status report on Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson, courtesy of Josh Kirkendall at Cincy Jungle.

One: Using a movie, describe your team this season. Who is Chad Johnson playing in this blockbuster?

There was a movie with Bruce Willis a year or so ago called 16 Blocks in which Willis had to protect and escort Mos Def. Mos Def's character reminds me of Chad because he can be incredibly annoying, but in the end, he comes through.


We agree, the resemblance is there.

Two: What past or current player does Chad Johnson remind you of, and why?

As Chad will tell you himself, there's no one like him.


Three: In the Cincinnati Bengal kitchen, what spice, condiment, or utensil is Chad Johnson and why?

Oh, Chad is pure capsaicin. There's no doubt about that.

Four: If you were GM for a day and Chad Johnson demanded a trade, give us your most realistic, fair-value trade for this player and that would benefit your team the most.

The Redskins offered a 2008 first-round pick and a conditional 2009 third-round pick. Honestly, I think that's fair because I highly doubt that two picks, in two years, would come close to equaling Chad Johnson's contributions, as a whole.

Five: What is the most amount of money you would pay to try to tackle, be tackled by, or play catch with Chad?

I wouldn't pay any professional athlete anything just to play with them. I wouldn't mind be tackled by Chad on a commercial -- but Stacy Keibler has to be there too. Though I think I'd pay her to tackle me. Wait, Chad Johnson, right? No, I wouldn't pay him anything.

Six: What is the signature play of Chad Johnson's career with the Bengals? Describe it in as much detail as possible. Also, were you there?

I don't have a signature play for Chad. He's caught many deep passes, been "blowed" up several times over the middle, converted many third downs and scored plenty of touchdowns. Picking one is too impossible.


Seven:  If Chad missed the team bus and was standing by the side of the road on gameday, would you give him a ride?

Hell, I'll take him to McDonald's on the way there.

Seven-A: What if it was a road game-what is the farthest away road stadium that you would drive him to, personally? Please take into account the consequences for the number of days work you would probably miss.

If he covers the cost, doesn't matter.

Eight: Do you expect Chad to improve, level off, or regress this year, and why?

This is kind of a loaded question based on the perspective it brings. In other words, with a charge to change the team's offensive philosophy by incorporating the tight end, and the return of Chris Perry, with several first-time players making strides, I see Chad's statistical points falling. At the same time, per play, running routes and a sort of re-born motivation, Chad could have his best season as a complete player. It's really based on the perception of what type of expectations you're expecting. From my point of view, he could have the best year of his career. From others, especially fantasy football players, his numbers could be lower because the team's distribution is higher.

You can read more about Chad and the Bengals' quest for a Super Bowl ring the 2009 #1 overall draft pick from Josh Kirkendall at Cincy Jungle

What are YOUR THOUGHTS on Chad?