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Prose on Pros: Sabby Piscitelli, via Buc 'Em

In an effort to keep you up to date on former Beaver Greats making a living in professional sports, we bring you this status report on Tampa Bay Buccaneers safety Sabby Piscitelli, courtesy of Jerry Scot at  Buc 'Em.

One: Using a movie, describe your team this season. Who is Sabby Piscitelli playing in this blockbuster?

Movie: Varsity Blues... Our team is geeked up for a season in which it should lay the thunder once again on the rest of the NFC South. Add Brett Favre [This was sent to us slightly before Favre being traded to the who cares.--ed.] to the mix and we could go even further. Jeff Garcia is the Paul Walker retread QB, Brett Favre comes in as James Van der Beek and steals the show; while Jon Gruden plays Jon Voight (uncanny resemblance) the over emotional Head Coach who knows nothing other than going 100 mph. Sabby the Italian Stallion plays the rambunctious Tweeder, played by Scott Caan in the movie. On the field he's a competitor, off the field he's a class clown while never pushing Jon Gruden too far with his antics, like when he steals the water cart in the middle of Training Camp...


We agree, the resemblance is there.

Two: What past or current player does Sabby Piscitelli remind you of, and why?

With his ability to learn the playbook (heck he did have all last season to do so) and his ability to lay the smack down, he reminds me of a raw John Lynch... It's hard to give him that entire label as he played sparingly last season due to injury, but he has impressed this Training Camp. He's even been pushing starting Safety Jermaine Phillips for reps in practice...

Three:  In the Tampa Bay Buccaneers kitchen, what spice, condiment, or utensil is Sabby Piscitelli and why?

I'd say Sabby is the sponge right now. He soaked up nothing but knowledge last season, as Gruden used him as a close personal assistant. This Training Camp he's been picking the veterans brains around him and you often see him along side LB Barrett Ruud on the sidelines attempting to pick up more and more of the Bucs Defense. At this point he's the sponge soaking up suds, but by mid-season he could turn into a bottle of Hot Sauce... It all depends on his health and work ethic...

Four: If you were GM for a day and Sabby Piscitelli demanded a trade, give us your most realistic, fair-value trade for this player and that would benefit your team the most.

If we were to trade Sabby Piscitelli TODAY, we would receive an 8th Round Draft Pick (doesn't exist), a Clipboard, and a whole ream of paper. The pen we would have to supply on our own. This would help our supply guys from having to purchase that extra notepad that would throw our budget overboard in these hard economic times. In reality, Sabby would probably return a 5th-7th round pick as he's yet to prove anything on the gridiron.

Five:  What is the most amount of money you would pay to try to tackle, be tackled by, or play catch with Sabby?

I would pay $100,000 dollars in Monopoly Money in an instant. I would probably throw in the ownership of Park Place and Boardwalk as well, but if I had to spend "REAL" money from my Velcro wallet. . . No way man!! I like myself too much to potentially receive a black eye, separated shoulder, and or both!!! You don't mess with the Sab.. He probably throws harder than Brett Favre, no thanks!!



Six: What is the signature play of Sabby Piscitelli's career with the Bucs? Describe it in as much detail as possible. Also, were you there?

The signature play had to be last season early in the season, ahem, the pre-season; when he was running down field with the Special Teams Kickoff Unit and he slipped for a split second, caught himself, and was able to pile on the, pile, once the play was over. I wasn't there, but it looked beautiful on my 75 inch Plasma Digital Spectro Vision 2012 Television... Whew!!! You feel like you were there don't you?

Seven: If Sabby missed the team bus and was standing by the side of the road on gameday, would you give him a ride?

I would definitely give him a ride, but I would first have to ask why he was trying to catch the bus in Tallahassee, Florida [Jenn Stergis??--ed.] where I reside. I would also hope that the game was in Jacksonville so (selfishly) I wouldn't have to drive Sabby 4 ½ hours to Ray Jay Stadium in Tampa. In actuality, we would probably head back to my crib and play a simulated version of his game on Madden, as if he arrived late, his chances of playing wouldn't matter any way when Jon Gruden got done with him.

Seven-A: What if it was a road game-what is the farthest away road stadium that you would drive him to, personally? Please take into account the consequences for the number of days work you would probably miss.

I guess I jumped the gun on the previous question. I wouldn't even take him to a Home Game, it would have to be a Road Game at Jacksonville, otherwise he's bleep out of luck. I'm not sure my '99 Pathfinder would make it to Tampa.

Eight: Do you expect Sabby to improve, level off, or regress this year, and why?

I expect Sabby to improve immensely this season. Last year he got hurt in the Pre-Season and that was it. If he could put down the clip board for a sweat de-beading towel, that would be an upgrade on the production he provided the Bucs last season. This season I'm hopeful that Piscitelli will stay healthy, as that has been the A chilles heel of this organization ever since Jon Gruden got traded here. Last season Rookie S Tanard Jackson took starting S Will Allen's job by the end of the Pre-Season. There are whispers that Sabby could do the same to S Jermaine Phillips, although I'm not so sure. Phillips hits so hard, that all of our mothers have chest palpitations when the Bucs Defense takes the field.