clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

"Those New Uniforms Are Tight!"

I don't want to sound heavily medicated, but I think that duck looks pretty tough.



Can you believe that someone actually ok'd robo duck for launch?  At some point someone had to say "I think this new duck mascot is freaking tight."  If you were in charge of the marketing department of this athletic department would this person still have a job?

But this was five years ago and they learned from their mistakes. Right?


Bring out the black uniforms with the feather shoulder pads! And a new era has started at Faber. The "lavender" era.

In case you missed it, the ducks unveiled their new all black costumes last week, and it bears repeating. They had feathers on shoulders.

Not only had the uniforms had wings. Mike Bellotti was sporting a new "O with wings" hat. Even the schmuck fans were sporting the new fly gear in the stands. The next day I read that a press member said the new duds looked "tight" and Bellotti gave the uniforms a very positive review.

This is funny because everyone I know thinks the wings are ridiculous. And I'm not just talking about Beavers and dawgs here. I am talking about duck fans.

Take my brother's story for example.

"My die hard duck friend Derek said it best when the first thing he said to me days after the unveiling, and before I could even get a word out was, "I don't even want to hear a word about the new ducks uniforms. They are an embarrassment and I don't want to talk about it."

But I have run into duck fans on the internet that are really excited about the new threads. Most of it stems from the fact that they were in all black uniforms and the majority of people were trying to take pride that the ducks can wear their rivals color just because it is not listed as an official color. They claim the only OSU color is orange.

But when was the last time Oregon State was not sporting black in their uniforms? I think it is well established the OSU is orange AND BLACK and no sensible fan would argue this. And if you're rival has established this color pattern, you just don't wear this color/shade. Period. Seriously, how stupid and arrogant can you get?

My only explanation is a con versation overheard according to a toothless guy on Mercer Island.

Sometime in the year 2005....

Pat Kilkenny: Hey Phil, did you see that Oregon State got to the College World Series this year?

Phil Knight: Sure did, who do you think supplies their uniforms and owns the local semi-pro team?

Pat: Why don't we have a baseball team?

Phi: You know how I got ripped and accidentally made my now famous shoe thinking I was cooking a waffle to cure my munchies?  Well everyone started wearing my shoe except the baseball team.  They laughed at me and proceeded to give me a wedgie that ended my track career.  They got theirs and the rest is history. 
Pat: I don't know if that's such a wise move these days with this obvious cash cow developing for Oregon State. I make you a bet whatever they can do, we can do better.

Phil: If you did bring baseball back, you'd have to take out a men's sporting team. And don't forget about other kinky Title 9 rules.

Pat: You could take out the wrestling team. Back when I was a cheerleader the wrestlers used to make fun of us and I would go home and cry.

Phil: Don't remind me. I was the one helped ban you guys from the track meets.

Pat:  What if OSU won a NCAA Championship in baseball?  Would you be willing to pull the underwear out of your crack and give America's pastime another chance?

Phil:  Yeah, right.  They'd have to win back-to-back in order for me to consider that.

Pat: So Phil, why does our football team have armor on their knees and shoulder pads.

Phil: Ha, ha, ha. That's not armor. Its diamond plating and it makes you look tough, like a soldier.  Just wait till they sport the all white uniforms and we look like Storm Troopers.  What else would a guy named Tinker design?

Pat: No offense Phil, but acid washed jeans looks better then those rags.

Phil: I know, I know. THEY'RE HORRIBLE! We got into a hot spot with our son and the only way we could get him off the hook was give the design responsibilities to some six year girl from China, and that was through wall Wal-Mart who was in trouble because of child labor. You know the old switch-a-roo.

Pat: Are you serious? What if someone finds out that some 6 year old Chinese kid who works for Wal Mart is designing your uniforms?

Phil: Don't worry about it. Do you think the fans of this school would ever call out their home team? They believe everything we tell them and I own the media.

Pat: I make you a bet that I could design a uniform that would make them come unglued.

Phil: No way. We've put studies into this. This design is the most obnoxious and offensive ensemble ever. It even beat out the early 90's New Jersey Nets uniform that was blue and red tie-died.

Pat: You don't think I could do it?

Phil: Never.  Anything short of you being the AD, having the worst uniforms, and wearing your rivals colors, this fan base will never turn on you.

Pat: Sounds like a wager to me.

Phil: You're serious.  You really think you could do worse then this? It's a bet.

Pat: Standard wager?

Phil: Standard wager.

Fast forward to November of 2008

Pat was seen handing Phil a dollar behind the Casanova Center.

Photo courtesy of