Ooooooo Essssssssssssssssss Jewwwwwwwwwww

by TwistNHook on Nov 17, 2008 7:15 PM PST Comment 77 comments

Did I do that right? I think that's how it goes. Maybe my self-loathing hilarious anti-semitism screwed me up there.

But I've been practicing. I've been practicing, because you guys need me. You guys need my help. Otherwise, you'll never win out, potentially catipulting Cal into the Holiday Bowl. I know, I feel so dirty. Hoping against hope just to get into the Holiday Bowl. And the dirt ain't coming off. But, hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

So, now I need to know what else to do to become an Oregon State fan. As I explained to all those wildly depraved Oregon fans, I have the giant shlong and gorgeous wife. So, that's a good start. And I just painted my body orange. The whole Oompa Loompa thing doesn't go over well at work, but c'mon, this is Oregon State football. Ain't nothing more important than that!

So, tell me, fair denizens of the finest city in all of Eastern Oregon (wait, Corvallis is in Eastern Oregon, right?), what do I need to be an OSU fan? Besides a crippling set of buck teeth. I hate that I have to say this, but help me help you help Cal get into the Holiday Bowl.

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Step 1. Cut a hole in the box.

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-a-b-r-i-c-k".

by JShufelt on Nov 17, 2008 7:20 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Did that.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 1:26 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Step 2.

Put Jacquizz in that box.

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 17, 2008 8:03 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Tried. Tougher than it seems. Guys is squirmy.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 1:27 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Step 3. Eat a breakfast of Lox.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 17, 2008 8:49 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Humor fail!
Warning: Content might not be suitable for those with a bad sense of humor and/or prudes.

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-a-b-r-i-c-k".

by JShufelt on Nov 17, 2008 11:56 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

................. but content may be suitable for those with bad taste in music or those prone to titter like junior high kids at the word "dick."

"Sergio is clearly the MJ of 3rd string point guards!" —Mortimer Pritchard

by timbo on Nov 18, 2008 9:04 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Hehehehehe! You said “dick”!

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-a-b-r-i-c-k".

by JShufelt on Nov 18, 2008 10:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Ok. Did, this, too. So, now I am full and I have a partially damaged box.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 1:27 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Step 4. Profit.

Well, that’s it. You’re all set now.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 6:56 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Profit? I like the sound of that!

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 7:31 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Wait, can you feel the tingling?

That’s how you know it’s working.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 7:02 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Good start

You absolutely have to hate Oregon. There is no middle ground. And everything you do, compare it to Oregon. When your wife cooks a shitty meal, just know that at least she wasn’t an Oregon grad, or it would have probably been worse. That big case coming up Twist? Thank God you’re holding onto a Berkley law degree, and not a Duck law degree. Be paranoid about everything that is UO. And know that the state of Oregon media shlobs on the Ducks/Phil Knight’s knob

Oregon State: where play action defense and healthy QBs thrive

by The VD Special on Nov 17, 2008 10:21 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Actually, I got my JD from University of San Francisco. After 4 undergrad years, Berkeley said “I CAST THEE TO HADES!” Which luckily was just next door! Who knew San Francisco was hell. Besides all those pastors who hate the gays.

But that’s good stuff. Blame everything on UO. I recently heard we elected a secret Muslim AND secret radical Christian to president. Can I blame that on Phil Knight?

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 17, 2008 10:31 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

YES WE CAN!

But….it’s a good thing: basketball resurrection!

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 17, 2008 10:58 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Are you trying to say that the new OSU B-Ball coach is Jesus and will resurrect your team?

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 1:27 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

And when all else fails

Just remember, Hitler is a Duck fan too

Oregon State: where play action defense and healthy QBs thrive

by The VD Special on Nov 18, 2008 11:35 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs

Hahahaha. That was hilarious!
Reminds me of this one.

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-a-b-r-i-c-k".

by JShufelt on Nov 18, 2008 12:12 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

VD, that clip is hilarious...

Thankful that the ghosts of Parker Stadium are gone....

by sandiegobeav on Nov 18, 2008 2:55 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

All you have to do is not be a Douche Bag and have reasonable expectations.

All you have to do is: Don’t believe undeserved preseason hype. When your team’s most impressive win is surviving in overtime against a team that currently has one conference victory in the Big 10, don’t beat your chest and rank your team 2nd in the conference power poll. Realize that there’s no such thing as a 2/3 of the way through your conference schedule national title. Don’t get hotel reservations for the National Championship game when your team still has 6 games left. Don’t blame a loss at Cal on the weather, when you were +2 in turnovers. Don’t blame a loss on the rain when you’re from freaking Eugene, Oregon. Just don’t be a crybaby. And don’t act like someone else donating 100 million to your athletic department means that you’ve personally earned anything or are owed anything. Don’t think you’re important when you’re not.

Just be realistic and realize these simple facts and you will know what it’s like to be a Beavers fan, or at least you’ll have absolutely nothing in common with classless whoregon fans who think that they have a better football program than OSU, when they have only finished ahead of OSU twice in the current century—it’s a level of delusion that simply can’t be taught.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 12:52 AM PST reply actions 3 recs

basically what he is saying is to be an oregon state fan that requires hating just about everything associated with fowl, or the colors green and yellow.

by jaycb324011 on Nov 18, 2008 1:55 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

So, I can’t eat tandoori chicken anymore????

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 7:26 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Green and yellow?

Dude, if your food is green and yellow and has been described as “tandoori chicken,” you need to speak to the chef. Sounds like a St. Patrick’s Day special…

by Joe A. on Nov 18, 2008 8:07 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

My Indian food is straight from India! It takes a while to get shipped, but I figure it’s legit!

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 2:03 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs

My volvo is from Sweden!

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 19, 2008 4:58 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Isn’t Volvo from Detroit now?

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 20, 2008 8:47 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Mine actually is--It's a '95

by ArbyOSU on Nov 20, 2008 6:30 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Indian food isn’t from Indiana? Damnit – I need to see a doctor STAT!

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-U-p-A-n-d-D-a-n-c-e".

by JShufelt on Nov 20, 2008 8:18 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs

Mental Note: Throw out food from Indianapolis Tandoori Grille.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 20, 2008 8:47 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs

dude, CV just had a legit vent that i totally can respect and get behind, and you took what he said and made him sound like a douche.

I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.

by Takimoto on Nov 21, 2008 11:24 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Ok, ok, ok, I’ll shut up about Tandoori Chicken. Let’s all just calm down here.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 22, 2008 6:41 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

+1

Just call me Manny

by mannyfresh1 on Nov 18, 2008 11:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

+1

Oregon State: where play action defense and healthy QBs thrive

by The VD Special on Nov 18, 2008 11:38 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I actually think a lot of these are reasonable points. A couple things, I think are absurd, but the rest – I can’t disagree with.

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-a-b-r-i-c-k".

by JShufelt on Nov 18, 2008 12:30 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

It's nothing personal JShufelt

But I agree with most of what CV had to say. And the problem is, it isn’t ALL Duck fans. It’s the post-Harrington Duck fans who have some grand illusion of what the UO program is and where it came from. But you are S-h-u-a-l-r-i-g-h-t-b-y-m-e.

A point I’d like to add on for Twist:

You have to love a couple things:
1. Defense, defense, and more defense
2. Smash-mouth offense. So we may not be able to score in 2.5 seconds like our brothers to the south, but at least we make up for it by not giving up 140 points per game
3. Love the no namers. Guys you don’t hear about now will be All Pac10 come the end of their career. Love those 2, 1, and 0 star guys. For example, Jacquizz Rodgers got less play then Blount this preseason. Everyone was talking up Blount as the next coming of Jesus. His own quote regarding Quizz and the USC defense:

If a little guy can do that then I guarantee that me and JJ get 100 each against the SC defense

CV, I can’t remember, what were those guys final stats against USC? Gosh, I’m having a hard time remembering…

Oregon State: where play action defense and healthy QBs thrive

by The VD Special on Nov 18, 2008 1:40 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Me too. But I have a terrible memory.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 2:03 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

JJ & LB totaled 64 yards on 24 carries vs USC

Ouch

Just call me Manny

by mannyfresh1 on Nov 18, 2008 2:13 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Yeah, but Blount had ZERO of those yards.

And he liked it so much, he did it again vs. Cal.

They gave him two ZERO stickers for it—one for each side of his helmet. The whole team has them now.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 6:59 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I was shocked when I got home and checked the stats for the Cal-Oregon game. I could sworn Blount was out there, destroying us. But he has like 5 rushes for 11 yards or something crazzy like that. Johnson was the one who really ran roughshod.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 7:31 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

No, he had zero yards.

They rounded it up to 1 yard on the stat sheet, since they can’t put 1/4 of a yard.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 7:53 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

PAIN TRAIN!!!!!!!!!

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 9:01 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

On 4 carries...

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 19, 2008 4:53 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I don’t take it personally. I have dissent, not as a duck fan, but as someone else.
I completely agree that Post-Harrington fans – they are mostly bad fans.

It's spelled "S-h-u-t-s-a-n-d-s-c-o-r-e-s"".

by JShufelt on Nov 18, 2008 2:29 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

It's not ALLLLLL ducks fans...

…it’s just 95% of the ones who participate in public forums. And, especially, Joe Giansante, Pat Kilkenny and Mike Bellotti….the Three Stooges.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 10:23 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

He's our coach, I don't expect him to say "We are going to suck this year."

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 19, 2008 4:54 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

He was being sarcastic in that quote though.

Later on in the interview he gave Quizz a lot of well-deserved credit.

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 19, 2008 4:58 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Well, I have a pretty high level of delusion. One that can only be earned through years primping at a mirror.

I am not getting off to a good start here.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 1:29 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I have some family friends who really shocked me when they bought tickets and reserved a hotel room VERY early in the season for the Nat’l Champ game. I can’t remember how far along the season was but I REALLY want to say it was after Washington.

Being a nice guy I never did ask how they unloaded that post season package but I must say that I’m incredibly curious.

by ArbyOSU on Nov 18, 2008 3:18 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Wait, you mean THIS year's team?

Oregon State: where play action defense and healthy QBs thrive

by The VD Special on Nov 18, 2008 6:42 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Does it matter which year it was?

Washington? Washington? We’re talking about Washington? Washington, man. We talking about Washington. Not a game, not a game, Washington. Washington. We talkin’ ’bout Washington?

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 7:06 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

We were 7-1 after the Husky game last year, coming off a performance of 465 yards rushing.

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 19, 2008 4:55 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

against washington

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 19, 2008 5:49 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

465 yards is impressive no matter who it was against...

Though, that was pretty much only made possible by Oregon’s defensive suckage in that game, so the offense went for all 4 quarters against a very bad defense.

--www.AddictedToQuack.com, SBNation's Oregon Ducks blog

by jtlight on Nov 20, 2008 6:32 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

So?

465 yards rushing, 55 points, 661 total yards

Reading the recap of your game vs. the Huskies last year… gee… 219 yards rushing, 328 yards of total offense, 5 field goals for 15 points of 29 points total.

Yep, that one’s moot too.

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 20, 2008 8:23 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Oh, I forgot something you should do the opposite of!

When you can’t beat your REAL rival, invent a rivalry with the worst team on your schedule.

Just do the opposite of that.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 7:01 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Wouldn’t that mean beloving the best team on your schedule?

Oh, USC, dearest USC, I fear I am not the poet who could ever truly encapsulate your glories. At least in word. I can do it in interpretative dance!

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 7:32 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

No, it means beating the best team on your schedule.

OSU does that: beating #3, #2, #1 teams.

Uowned….not so much. But, they do like to tell you that their main rival is soon-to-be 0-12 Washington. They also like to say that they’re “consistently better” than OSU. None of us are sure what they’re smoking in Eugene, but given the high density of methamphetamine production, coupled with petty property crimes and stratospheric rates of domestic violence in Lane County….

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 7:56 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Woah, you are saying that WSU will beat UW? Big words! Big, bewildering words.

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 9:01 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

anything can happen when they let cousins marry.

Exhibit A: University of Oregon fans

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 10:25 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Also, Shelbyville!

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 18, 2008 10:28 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Ffud beer on tap here.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 18, 2008 10:35 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Really, we do hate the Fuskies more than you guys.

Sorry, but it is true. We root for you when we don’t play you. We never root for the Fuskies.

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 19, 2008 4:57 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

that's cool, we don't even think about you

We’ve had a better program than oregon for so many years that you’re just one more team looking up at us in the standings, no different than WSU or UW.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 19, 2008 5:51 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

And that's why 80% of what you write is about us?

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 20, 2008 8:17 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP FIGHT!

Please disregard the above ramblings as those of a clearly delusional fan.

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Nov 20, 2008 8:48 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Goldeneye 007!

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 20, 2008 10:00 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

aw c’mon, let’s play proxy mines instead!

I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.

by Takimoto on Nov 21, 2008 12:10 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs

Oh, wait. That wasn't fair to WSU.

WSU has actually been to better bowl games than oregon.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 20, 2008 9:43 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

You dodge questions better than John McCain.

F*ck you Shufelt you're gonna spend the night... OUT-SIDE!

by qrsouther on Nov 20, 2008 10:00 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

80% ???? I wasn't taking that as a serious question, since it's false.

It was an 80% delusional question.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 20, 2008 12:53 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

CV exudes maverickeyness

I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.

by Takimoto on Nov 21, 2008 12:11 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I can't believe how obsessed you guys are with me.

It’s also pretty funny how much and how often you all exaggerate what are actually only a few times that I have written about the irrelevant little sisters in eugene.

Sorry that it hurts your feelings. That which angers you controls you.

Roses are Orange.

by CV3000 on Nov 21, 2008 1:22 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs